Deep down, I dislike confrontation, but to protect my truest emotions my defense mechanism has always been to react in a violent way, as in using my words and the tone of my voice to sting my opponent. I guess you can say I’m running from being true to myself, because vulnerability can be scary as fuck. Most times when I am in uncomfortable situations my body begins to shake internally and then my mind goes blank because of anxiety. Next my body tenses up so bad that my blood circulation stops flowing how it should, for that reason I am not relaxed in my body, and therefore I cannot express myself how I truly want to because I’m being restricted. That’s when my ego steps in to try defend me by reacting so violently with my words. Now do you understand why I dislike confrontation? Sometimes It’s a challenge for me to let down my guard and expose how I really feel on the inside. The reason? I would hate for someone to try to take advantage of my innocence. I’ve been this way pretty much my entire life that you would think I have mastered this part about myself. If I’m not reacting violently then I’m most likely playing victim, yeah that’s another defense mechanism that I have. Since recently I just became aware of these old patterns that should’ve been dead a long time ago, but my lower self is fighting so hard to keep these patterns alive, yet I’m not making it any better by fighting back. Ugh it’s like you want to be the bigger person by not engaging in situations that bring you out of character but then sometimes you’re like “fuck this I’m going to say whatever comes to mind.” It’s so easy to give in to the ego but yet it takes effort to master it…. life!
Time and I aren’t the best of friends. I often allow my days to slip away from because I’d rather sit around and do nothing with my time.
The first step is admitting the problem right?
Lately I’ve sort of been making steps to better my time and where I use it. I mean its a start, but I do feel I can be doing more, like way way more.
So my question to you is how do you manage your time? Your response can not only help me but someone else 🙂
I know it’s so cliche to hear rappers rap about how their teachers told them they would never amount to anything, but I sorta believe them because I too was told similar things from teachers and so-called friends. I remember in HS I took an English class (I’d rather not mention the teacher name) but I mentioned to her that one day I would attend Spellman and she laughed at me and said “You’re not getting into Spellman” I mean she was right, I never even applied because I didn’t think I was smart enough. Another teacher told me he didn’t think I would ever do anything with my life after he heard that I was home from college. Damn is really all I could say. I had a so-called friend tell me that I wouldn’t get into A&T, I proved him wrong by getting accepted, but I didn’t finish, so what I don’t have shit to prove to anyone. I also had a so-called friend tell me I wouldn’t get into nursing school and that I needed to be more realistic with my life.. some friend she was. See, these people tried to dim my light, and sure enough, they almost did just that. But what they failed to realize is that I have something inside that’s worth more than receiving education from Spellman or a&t or some fucking nursing school. I have inner knowing of self and that is worth more than anything in this world. If you let the opinions of others get in your way, they win, you lose, so don’t try to prove these people wrong, instead prove it to yourself. For all those who doubted you drop a a virtual middle finger to show your appreciation to them because all they did was see the God in you. Let your haters be your motivators. *inserts evil laugh* because they can never ever ever steal your light unless you allow them to.
My question to you…Why do you think jealousy is the common denominator in friendships? And give me an example of a situation where jealousy was present in your relationships 👀⬇️
I remember randomly sending a snapchat to my lover one day, and as the caption, it said “TheNaturalHer.” In the picture I had on no makeup and my hair was in its natural state. I’ve always embodied how I looked naturally, but then suddenly it hit me “I am going to start a campaign to promote naturalness” … (wait is that even a word?) I wanted to deeply express to females to not depend on makeup to make you feel beautiful, rather embrace your beauty in your natural state, in my opinion, that’s where females are the most breathtaking. But as time progressed my views on TheNaturalHer changed. I came to the realization that beauty is more than what you look like on the outside, beauty comes from within, and so I no longer was focused on the appearance of myself or of others. What matters most to me now is, am I being the most authentic version of myself? Am I expressing myself unapologetically without the worry of what others think of me? Am I being true to myself and my beliefs? Those questions to me are what makes a person “TheNatural” them. It took me a minute to understand that life beyond the physical is far more real than the illusion we have fallen for. The person that I see in the mirror every day isn’t the real me, but my whole life I was so fascinated with my looks that, that’s all I thought was who I am. Boy, I was wrong. TheNaturalHer is all about loving the real you. The you that’s been misunderstood for so long, the you who had to grow up fast, the you who lost everything and had to rebuild, the you they call crazy, the you who isn’t sure of yourself but is still learning, the you before society told you who to be. Embracing all of who you are from the inside out no matter what we go through in life, I think is important. I’m learning to develop a mindset to always be true to myself and love the journey…that includes the good, bad, and the ugly. I am interested in hearing what you guys think being “TheNaturalYou” means? Drop your comments below.
I wanna get lost in your love
Explore the depths of your soul
Baby, there’s no other place I wanna go
I wanna ride with you on the backs of dragons skipping through clouds
Hunny, you trying to smoke this loud?
I wanna get lost with you somewhere deep in the forest because being away from you is the hardest
Just like your little friend with that bend
I wanna go around like a Merry go round without ever having to end
Life without you would be a sin
In this hectic world we live in…baby we gotta find our zen
You said love is the only law that’s why I like to arch my back for you and let you slide it in raw
Yeah, I’m down for it all
Like Micky and Mallory I’ll slaughter whoever, but that’s your call
Your love is so potent
I knew this shit was meant to be I had a inner knowing
Love is free flowing
I promise to hold you up through whatever because I love to see you glowing & growing
I’m from a place that never sleeps, and noooo I’m not talking about New York City
This place is so dear to me, and everyone there used to call me flee.
See, this place is full of brotherly love, hugs, and mean mugs
My sister Donnesha was so fucking scared of the slugs
This place has bright lights and corner stores
Fuck, did I forget to mention the cheesesteaks? Oh lord
There, we were never bored
I used to wu-tang battle against my homegirl Dior
In this place, all we want to do is soar like an eagle
Shouts out to the bull Beanie Siegel
But sometimes we fall victim to the system
Because where I’m from, the cops stay dickriding the black man
We all know that’s just apart of the plan
Where I’m from we got BIG dreams, so best believe we getting to the green, paper I mean
You guessed right, I’m philly made, but I’m done now
It’s time to go burn this damn sage
Let me know where you guys are from. Comment below 🙂
What I have been able to notice is that we’re so quick to cut people out of our lives, but we don’t realize we need to cut ourselves off first. Take my situation for instance, I’ve been having the urge to remove myself from so many relationships because of their “humanly flaws.” Wtfff? I know it sounds pretty insane right, giving the fact that I still have so many improvements to make to the ego like; the negative talks I have with myself daily, or depending on outside resources to give me information about my life instead of going within, or holding on to things that need to be let go or talking behind others back to make myself feel good. Yeah, I’m guilty, I’m not perfect. Now, I’m not saying that the people you want to cut off don’t deserve to be cut off, what I’m saying is have a little look within yourself first. Have you thought maybe you’ve been a bad friend all along? Or maybe you’ve been the one having the shitty mood swings? I get it, we’re all human, but how can we give up on others so easily when we’re causing the relationship to go downhill? I’ve had the chance to take some time alone to reflect on the value of a healthy relationship. Are you ready for this information? Are you realllyyyy ready for this information? Okay, here it goes. You have to first become your own bestfriend, lover, supporter, etc before you can expect someone else to fulfill that position. Guys, this is the only way your relationships will be built on a solid foundation. You don’t want to build a relationship on a weak foundation, do you? I thought so. If we fail to give ourselves the love we deserve, then we will continue to attract people who need to be CUT THE FUCK OFF. I say we start with ourselves first, and once we understand the value of how important it is to love ourselves, then I grantee we will begin to attract those who deserve to be in our lives. So, I said all that to say this, observe your behaviors, your triggers, your attitude, etc. And once you feel right within yourself … Bitch, pull out the scissors.
As I am scrolling down my timeline on YouTube, I stumbled across a video featuring Ms. Blue. Now for those of y’all who don’t know Ms. Blue, she’s an intuitive reader/healer as well as a radio talk show host. I remember listening to a few lectures of Brother Panic (an occult master teacher), and it so happened to be on Ms. Blue radio show, so I knew the video I stumbled on was meant for me to watch.I instantly fell in love with Ms. Blue’s message. I mean I could practically relate to everything that she discussed, and might I add the show lasted damn near 3 hours, but I was like this the wholeeeee time.
Its very rare for me to stay committed to watching something for that long, but for some reason, I felt a connection between us. So after listening to her show which aired last month, a few hours later she went live. I knew this was the perfect opportunity to personally interact with Ms. Blue. On her YouTube page, she has a chat room which is called the (blue room) and there people can comment whatever they liked. I decided to comment that she has an adorable voice (which she does lol) and moments later she shouted me outttttt. Haha, the coolest shit ever.
Anyway, the topic of tonight’s show was about universal hex. I personally didn’t think I had a hex on me, but lately, I’ve been having a lot of chatter going on in my head. This chatter has been interrupting my sleep and causing me to not be in the present moment, so I needed to know where the hell was this chatter coming from.
I literally was so nervous to call into Ms. Blue’s talk show, because one, I didn’t want a lot of attention on me, and two, this was my very first time talking to Ms. Blue, so I didn’t know what to expect. I finally built up the courage to call in, and after 20-30 minutes of waiting, my call finally went through. “Calling in from area code 6267…6267 you’re live in planet remix, please tell me your name, and where you are calling from.”
There was a slight pause on my end because I couldn’t believe that I would be talking to such a beautiful soul, well I mean I knew she would pick me because I did so much manifesting prior before, but I was just a little shocked lol. I quickly snapped out of it and expressed to her what was going on with me. I didn’t know if I was the one causing the chatter or if something else was. She paused for a second to draw out my energy, then she proceeded to tell me that the chatter was coming from me not being able to be emotionally close and express my true emotions. She also explained to me that the thoughts I am hearing are old programming trying to relieve themselves from me so that new patterns can make their way in. This was all interesting to hear, but what really threw me for a loop is when she started to tell me about this 14-year-old spirit who sort of attached himself to me.
He’s a student spirit who is learning from my experiences, and what’s really cool is that we both share similar trauma. Growing up, he had a difficult relationship with his mother, and he had a very hard time trying to balance things in his life. Not only that, but he had a hard time trying to transmute his frustration about reaching his goals. What this 14-year-old spirit went through in his life, is what I went through, and what I am going through now. So Ms. Blue expressed to me that he isn’t the one causing the chatter, he wants to see me win because he didn’t. Wow is all I could really say because it’s so funny how the The universe connects everything. Now, what I am currently doing is working on getting to know this spirit better, because I know we can get a lot of work done together. And as far as all this chatter is concerned, I am taking Ms. blue notes to stop it, but of course it’s takes work, and I am willing to put it in. Because who the hell wants to hear chatter all day?
One of Ms. Blue’s suggestions for me to do, is every morning take time to visualize my day, and at the end of the day reflect on how the universe surprised me. I want you to do it to because in today’s society there are forces doing everything in their power to stray us away from our purpose here, so we have to be on our p’s and q’s and remain focus on the bigger picture. What are some things that you like to do to clear your mind? Comment below and let me know.